Val Sivilli

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DNA

DNA .. Bloodlines … Ancestry … Naples .. Bari …

When I went to Italy, I stood outside of a the Hotel Luna in Amalfi. I have been told that the Barbaro’s, my mothers family on my grandfathers side, owned and operated that Hotel. I walked inside. I was fully prepared to introduce myself. I then realized I knew nothing of why my grandfather left Italy. Why he no longer worked or lived in Amalfi. Why he went to the United States. I thought, “Maybe there is some old blood feud I know nothing about. ”

Idk…

So I walked back out and never said a word.

There is an unknowable part of myself that seems to be dictated by the heritage that is Napolitan. I have acquired a raw, somewhat irrational, sometimes violent, always ridiculously emotional inheritance. Dictated by knee jerk reactions and always large matters of the heart. Sometimes overly laborious exhaustingly philosophical internal and sometimes external diatribes.

This unknowable side sometimes seem like a foreigner. Someone I watch reacting to the world. I watch my emotions shift and change and anger spikes and wanes. Blame regurgitates and redirects and it is almost always somewhat undefinable.

The Romulus and Remus statue in Rome was beautiful to see. I was alone in the piazza with it for a long time when I was in Rome. Almost as if no one else was interested in it at the time. It was kind of odd. But I loved it.

I think Naples has a wild boar as it’s surrogate birth mother. At least, I think I have been nurtured and fed and weened on the tit of the wild boar. What else could possibly be the explanation for the foreign being that reacts without thinking. Emotes without provocation. Becomes somewhat possessed in situations that are out of my control.

It could be.

Maybe that’s the animal lineage that lurks within this southern Italian woman.

Anyway, this is the musing of this painting.

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Night # 1 The Shaman at the Verizon Store

It’s a strange inexplicable fear that has come over me because my little cell phone has become non functional and it seems that whatever I or verizon does has no power to fix it so that the checking calling checking answering looking clicking touching caressing the thing is not a part of my day minute every second all the time thing.

I went to a verizon store in Santa Fe and had the entire thing under control. Really I did. After trying every trick in the book to make the phone work, it was decided to ship me a new phone. Although, with all good intentions, I tried and I think he tried to have the phone shipped overnight to Taos and NOT New Jersey… But there was this friend of his, and this cool dog, and we all were petting the huge mastiff head of this dog, and the verizon salesman’s friend kinda reminded me of a Mexican Sarge Russell, so I kind felt a little softened to him and pet his dog.. Although his friend would not stop talking to him so I’m sure that he fucked something up in the filling out the shipping part of the transaction. All my good intentions totally thrown to the wind because all he really wanted to do was hang out with his friends dog in the parking lot instead of double checking that the mailing address was Taos and not New Jersey.

Verizon seemed to think my replacement phone should be sent to New Jersey even after all that fucking micro managing.

This is probably a good thing. That man with the Italian Mastiff was a Shaman. What else could possibly be the explanation. Fucking with my micro managing, Right there In the verizon store. Distracting the salesman just enough to fuck up my phone shipment.

Well, I guess I’m in New Mexico. There’s a little bit of magic here.

If I still smoked, I would retain the illusion of having diffused the stress. A little friend.

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Chapter 3 ?

So these feelings that pop up, they just seem to come from nowhere. Although that could not be possible. Can’t come from nowhere. Gotta come from somewhere.

I’m wondering if my friend, my animal, my inner beast, my boar/bore, boor…. Bohar…. Has friends or family that live in other people, other humans. I’m mean, it could happen. Weirder things have happened in this world. Maybe.

He has relatives that live in other folks, I’m sure of it .

I wonder how they communicate. Animals have this thing, this invisible telepathic connection thing.. The thing that deepak choprah calls CROW MIND. Like they can communicate through their minds, through their DNA.

So sometimes if one of their beasty (beauty) relatives has a hissy fit, I , in turn, have the distinct and utter honor of having my mood shifted.

Damn.

This could be a real problem for me.